Jewish Law

Lesson # 491 - Tena'im

As I stated many times in these lessons, these lessons are not meant as a halachic guide, but rather to acquaint the readers of TT to the issues involved.
What follows is one of many options dealing with tena’im.
In halacha, the marriage ceremony consists of two distinct parts - (1) the betrothal part which means that the bride and groom are betrothed and not yet married, that is that in the event she dies he does not inherit her; in halacha, a husband inherits his wife, and if he is a kohen and she dies he may not attend her funeral any more than he can attend funerals of others, except, of course, permitted relatives. If after the betrothal part the marriage is not completed, she may not marry anyone else without a formal Get (divorce) or his death;
(2) the second part is the marriage.
Nowadays in most instances these two parts are celebrated in one ceremony, with the reading of the ketuba acting to separate the two halves. The first part is called erusin and the second part is called nisu’in.
There is a ritual that many couples have at their wedding, preceding the actual ceremony. In some communities this writing of the tena’im may precede the wedding by days or months, as the parties desire. In many weddings, the officiating rabbi may discourage the writing of tena’im altogether, since the purpose is to get the parties to go through with the wedding and they are all there to do exactly that.
Also, by having tena’im it permits the wedding party to have two additional guests participate in the ceremony. Very often there are many prominent persons there and it adds to the list of those who have honors at the wedding. And, most often, the mothers of the bride and groom break the plate together and this makes them active participants in the ceremony.
The writing of the tena’im
The term tena’im generally applies to the written agreement made before a betrothal, which contains all settlements and conditions agreed upon by the parents or by their representatives. Usually the bride and groom attach their signatures to this agreement which is attested to by two witnesses.
It is essential that the bride and groom and their representatives make a kinyan, the legal formality of symbolic delivery, by letting the parties hold someone else’s handkerchief, that they will fulfill whatever is provided for in the tena’im.
It is the custom to break an earthen vessel after the reading of the tena’im. An earthen vessel is broken to signify that just as a broken earthen vessel can never be repaired, so is a broken engagement usually irreparable. I have seen some authorities who write that the breaking of the vessel is similar to the breaking of the glass at the wedding itself.
The parties to the tena’im must therefore be extremely careful not to break the engagement after the tena’im is written.
It has been reported in the name of the Gaon of Vilna who writes (in Sefer Sha’arei Rachamim) “It is preferable to dissolve the bond of marriage by divorce than to break an engagement.”
A form of Tenaim
FORTUNE
May it come up and sprout like a green garden, whosoever finds a wife finds a great good, and obtains favor of the Lord, Who ratifies this union.
May He who predestinates, bestow a good name and future to the provisions embodied in this agreement which were agreed upon by the two parties hereto, that is, as party of the first part, Mr. ______________, who represents the groom Mr. _________, and as party of the second part, Mr. ______________, who represents the bride Miss ______________.
That the above named groom agrees to take to himself as wife, the above named bride, through chupa and betrothal, in accordance with the law of Moses and Israel; that they will not hide or conceal from one another any property whatsoever, but they shall equally have power over their property pursuant to the established custom. The aforesaid groom obligates himself to present the bride with gifts according to custom. The above named bride obligates herself to give as her dowry the sum of _________ in cash, and clothes, pillows and linens as is the custom.
The wedding will take place, if the Almighty so wills it on the ______day of ___________, in the year ______.
A fine to be paid by the party breaking this agreement to the other in the fixed sum of ________, and also in accordance with the law of the land.
All of the foregoing was done with perfect understanding and due deliberation and by means of the most effective method in accordance with the ordinance of the Sages of blessed memory, and in accordance with the law of the land, by means of shaking hands, by solemn promises, by true affirmation by handing over an object from one to the other to take effect immediately, and this is not to be regarded as a mere forfeiture without consideration, or a mere formula of document. We have followed the legal formality of a kinyan by handing over an object between the groom and the bride and their representatives by using a garment for this purpose, to validate all that is stated above.
And everything is valid and confirmed.
For the purpose of making this agreement binding and obligatory, the groom and the bride themselves have attached their signatures hereunto this __________ day of ___________ in the year ________ at ___________________.
Attested to __________________ (bride)
Attested to_________________ (groom)
In our presence the undersigned witnesses did the abovenamed groom and bride attach their signatures, to affirm all that is stated above in our presence did they go the legal formality of symbolic delivery by handing over and object from one party to the other, that this agreement take effect immediately and we have verified and affirmed it as is required by law. In witness whereof we have hereunto set our hands this ________day of ____________ in the year _________ at ________________.
Attested to ______________ witness
Attested to ________________witness

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