Jewish Law

Lesson # 495 - Betrothal of a minor cont.

Lesson # 495

Betrothal of a minor cont.

We have been discussing the betrothal of a minor girl, less than 12 years old. After leaving the state of minor she becomes a NA’ARA for a half year.
If during this six month period of being a NA’ARA her father betrothed her without her consent and knowledge, and she became betrothed without her father’s consent and knowledge, and she is found to be physically mature, she is doubtfully betrothed to each and requires a Get from each man. The result would be the same if only her father had betrothed her without her consent or if she only became betrothed without his consent. She would require a Get from the person who betrothed her. There is also an opinion that if during this age period her father betrothed her without her consent she would be betrothed at the conclusion of her NAARA period.
Just as a father can betroth his minor daughter, he may engage an agent to do this on his behalf. He can appoint his daughter to be his agent and tell her to accept betrothal. There is a strong dissent that holds that he may not appoint his minor daughter to be his agent to accept betrothal for herself. However, if he is present when the betrothal takes place it is the same as if he accepted the betrothal on her behalf. Many authorities hold that it is best that if he accepts betrothal on her behalf then she should be present and give her consent. In this instance the man should say to her “You are betrothed unto me”  If while the father and daughter are both present if the man said “Your daughter is betrothed unto me” it is valid. If the betrothal is to be effected with a document, the document will state: “Your daughter is betrothed unto me”  The Shulhan Aruch states that the exact words stated here need not be used, but words that will evidence the intent of the parties is sufficient.
All what has been said about the appointment of an agent to accept betrothal assumes that the agent has been appointed in the presence of two witnesses. He may, by his actions, evidence his appointment of her as his agent by preparing a wedding canopy. It is not necessary for her appointment as his agent to be in the presence of two witnesses. This holds true whether she is now a minor or a NA’ARA.
After stating many of these laws, the author of the Shulhan Aruch states that it is praiseworthy not to betroth his daughter while she is a minor but should wait to when she achieves her majority and can state that she wants to be married to that person.
Rama (1520-1572, Poland) adds in his emendations to the Shulhan Aruch, that it is usual in our times to betroth our minor daughters, since we are in exile, and do not have the opportunity to provide a dowry and since we are a small community there will not always be an opportunity to marry off our daughters, we do it as soon as the opportunity arises.
Assume that a father appointed an agent to accept betrothal from Mr. A on behalf of his daughter, and in the interim the father betrothed her to Mr. B, the one who gave the betrothal first is the one she is betrothed to. If it is not known which was first she is not permitted to marry either of them, and requires a Get from both of them.
If the father appointed an agent to accept betrothal on behalf of his minor daughter and the agent went to do this, and in the interim the father betrothed her to someone else, whichever was first is the valid betrothal. If it is not known which came first, she is prohibited to both of them and requires a Get from both of them.
If her father, after having appointed one agent to accept betrothal on behalf of his daughter and without voiding the first agency, then appointed a second agent to receive betrothal for his daughter and each agent accepted betrothal on her behalf, she requires a Get from both of them.
A minor girl or a NA’ARA who on her own accepted betrothal without the consent of her father or got married without her father’s consent the act is a nullity and she does not even have to disavow her actions. This holds true even if her father engaged her to the person she accepted betrothal from or married, her acts are a nullity. (Engagement in this sense is not a legal binding concept, it is know as shiduchin, and means that there is an understanding that they will become betrothed.) There is an opinion that if the father hears of her actions and he says that he accepts them then she is betrothed from the moment he hears of her actions and shows his consent. This holds true even if at the time he hears of it he says nothing but later on he consents that she is betrothed from the time he first heard of her actions. This holds true even if the money that the groom gave to her for the betrothal has been spent by her. There is also an opinion that if the money has been spent before the father heard of the betrothal or marriage it is all a nullity. If the girl or her father do not want the betrothal and so declares, it is all a nullity and she is not betrothed or married. There is an opinion that when the father hears of her actions and remains silent it is a sign of assent to her actions
If a girl became betrothed to a man who the father indicated he wanted her to marry there is the assumption that the father consented.
If a minor girl became betrothed to someone her father consented to, but without the father’s consent she married the man, the marriage is a nullity since she needs her father’s consent to get married. If she died, the man is not her heir (a husband is generally the heir of his wife), but in this situation she became married to him without her father’s consent.
There are in the Shulhan Aruch and the commentaries many, many laws dealing with the betrothal of minor girls. I have shown a few of them. If a real life problem should arise, a Rabbi who is well versed in these laws should be consulted. Sometimes problems arise when youngsters have mock marriages and the problems can carry through for the rest of their lives.

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